Dirty talk is one of those things: you’re either astonishingly good at it, or you’re so bad I wish you hadn’t said anything.
What do you mean, I should put my P in your V?
Where’s the warm-up?
The seduction?
“Hello, whose pussy is this?” Why do you still have your customer service voice on?
Some people just don’t feel comfortable with dirty talk; they actually feel kind of silly when expressing sexual acts or voicing praise.
The good news is that it can be taught so it flows naturally, and things don’t sound awkward or weird.
The even better news is that I’m going to share a couple of things on how to respectfully, disrespectfully, and of course consensually indulge in dirty talk with your partner, lover, muse… friend.
Perhaps even a colleague or acquaintance if they’re down?
Call Me Baby
A cute name that’s for you and only you? Yes, please. A pet name can be cute, it can represent a role, and it can be used as a term of endearment. All three can be true at once. For example, I usually like to be called Daddy or Sir.
I don’t like being called Master because it makes me feel weird.
Daddy or Sir makes me feel in control, and sometimes it highlights the gentler side to me. The caretaker side. The part of me that wants to pet your hair and tease your thighs with my fingertips after I’ve folded you up like a pretzel, made you cum multiple times, and then unraveled you like a ball of yarn.
If my lovers are into it, I like to call them baby, kitten, or princess. Cute names with kinky meanings.
“You’re so wet, baby”
“You like it when I eat your pussy like that, princess?” (She whispers yes with her head tilting back.)
Pet names just make dynamics and sex more intimate. They also make dirty talk way more interesting and fun.
I want you to call me Sir, because it makes me feel powerful. You want to be called “good girl” because you love the praise and you earned it.
Praise + Degradation
Words carry weight, beyond meaning, they embody their own energy. What you say and how you say it matters.
Calling your lover something they do not like will either result in a soft dick or a dry pussy, and nobody wants that. But say the right thing? You set the feral free.
Praise and degradation are two sides of the same coin, and they usually garner the same response. Not everyone loves being degraded or humiliated.
So… maybe talk to your lover before you call them a filthy cocksucking whore.
From my experience, most people love to be praised.
Basic bitches say:
“I like that.”
“That feels good.”
*Complete silence* and zero moaning.
You’re going to say:
“You’re being so good for me.”
“Fuck, just like that.”
“I want a taste of that pretty little pussy.”
If your partner has earned their praise, tell them. Don’t withhold it. Praise is affection. Praise is love.
Praise. Is. Important.
You know what else is super hot? Possessive praise or degradation. Nobody wants to be any dirty slut or random good girl. They want to be your dirty little slut and good girl.
It makes a huge difference.
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My sense is it depends so much on the erotic register of the dynamic, which begins with the lovers' inner relationships w/their erotic selves. The openness to eros in both humans is paramount. If that doorway is open, it all flows naturally from that inner need and desire. If it's closed or only mildly ajar, dirty talk feels terribly awkward and silly (and not in a good way). So the openness to the erotic in oneself seems to be the necessary foundation. From there, cultivating the embodiment can happen. As that matures, one's ability and fluidity in expressing these desires in dirty talk becomes second nature rather than an awkward stumbling block. Once that inner connection is strengthened, the actual learning curve for filthy talk is mild and one can pick up a few tips here and there to get better at it in short order. Do you agree or do you think I'm missing anything?
Side note: I love how you speak about praise. Praise as care. Praise as love. So beautiful.